The Vlad Life...

20050429
Apologies

Its been some time since I last posted. Perhaps I'm too busy managing two other blog sites. Will come out with one in the next few days.

Till then, ponder on this...will jealousy kill you?

-Vladius faced death at 19:10

20050403
Nothing Else Matters

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who we are
and nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us is something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

-Vladius faced death at 17:00

20050226
Assumptions

"Assumptions allow the best in life to pass you by", John Sales. Whoever this John Sales may be...hes spot on. I guess this is probably one of the most crappiest entry id craft. As usual, brace yourself.

Assuming things/situations is probably my greatest weakness...Its not like its so wrong...perhaps I enjoy the thrill when i make decisions based on assumptions and its spot on...or perhaps its linked to my other alterego...Mr Ego. Heh... Or my superego...Mr Slacker.

Perhaps...now I know why Time Magazine Person of the Year for 2004 did the stuff he did in 2004...To be in the same boat as him is never to be considered an honour...

Being somewhat a "thinker" I have this un0pposed self belief that i have thought through of most things in life and it requires the same application all the time. Thus, I tend to leave out the simple things in life...yes...i know I've covered this before...so ill skip this.

Of course, there are also problems with regards to the complicated matters in life...the ever-assuming me would simply take a global look and give an assumption based on the facts that Ive seen it before and follow up actions based on that.

Metaphorically, its just like a long rope...all tangled up in knots and such, and all I did was take two ends of the rope and use it to tie whatever was needed. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that its almost impossible to tie knots from a badly tangled rope and it doesn't take a boy scout to tell me that the knot i tied ain't safe. From another angle, if the knot I tied works...i jus proved a rocket scientist and a boy scout wrong...

Sadly, as Ive realised, this is how I function and perhaps...this figures why my success and failure in life are of two extremes.

Truthfully, how many of us out there really bother to sit down and untangle that complicated "rope" of ours? Have we ever pondered what if we really did that lil extra? Would we live happily ever after? Would the world be a safer place? Heh..

Jibes aside, Ive never regretted the decisions I had made nor the path it led(sounding alot like Time Magazine Person of the Year for 2004) ...It has propelled me to leaps and boundaries and of course...to the cellars of life. But that doesn't mean i wont jump into a Time Machine (if someone did create one) to edit that ONE THING in life...last night perhaps...or the last hour or perhaps four years ago...heh...

I'll jus sign off with another quote..."Never assume, for it makes an ASS of U and ME.", Anon.

So who is the man of the year for 2004?
Click below:
http://www.time.com/time/personoftheyear/2004/

-Vladius faced death at 08:08

20050131
Love her

I met a girl who hated the world,
she used her body to sell her soul
Everytime they'd break her and pay,
tear out her heart and leave her in pain

I never found out how she survived
all of the sadness she kept inside
I never found out how she could lie
with a smile on her face and the scratches she'd hide

Down on her knees she wept on the floor,
this hopeless life she wanted no more
Dead in her mind and cold to the bone,
she opened her eyes and saw she was alone

She never found out how much I tried,
all of the sadness she kept had made me blind
She never found out how much I cried,
the rope so tight on the night that she died

I never found out how she survived,
a life lived in lies is a life of denial
I never found out how she could lie,
with a smile on her face and the darkness inside

-Vladius faced death at 11:05

20050123
Old Habits Die Hard

I thought I shook myself free
You see I bounce back quicker than most
But i'm half delirious, Its too mysterious
You walk through my walls like a ghost
And I take everyday at a time
I'm as proud as a Lion in his Lair
Now there's no denying it, a note to crying it
Your'e all tangled up in my head

Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Harder than November rain
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Hard enough to feel the pain

We haven't spoken in months
You see i've been counting the days
I dream of such humanities, such insanities
I'm lost like a kid and i'm late
But i've never taken your coats
Haven't no block on my phone
I act like an addict, i just got to have it
I can never just leave it alone

Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Harder than November rain
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Hard enough to feel the pain

And I can't give you up
Can't leave you alone
And its so hard, so hard
And hard enough to feel the pain

Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Harder than November rain
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Hard enough to feel the pain

...by Mick Jagger & Dave Stewart OST ALFIE

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"I don't depend on nobody...
Nobody depends on me...
My Life's my own...
But I don't have a peace of mind...
...What's it all about? You know what I mean?"

- Alfie, from the movie Alfie.

Loads to comment about this absolutely fantastic bare-it-all of the male psychology (at least for me)...
But i'll save till my next post.

-Vladius faced death at 19:07

20050116
My Choosiest Choice of All

In life, there are personal realisations and professional ones. But the worst of these realisations are the ones that sneak up on u...In an ideal world, u can hide from almost anything...but realistically, theres no way u can hide from your conscience.

There comes a time when a man has to make a choice. Whether its a professional choice or a personal one. In the end, its all about integrity...and about chasing after what u really want. Even if it means to sacrifice...or jus to show that u care a lil...and sometimes...well sometimes...u just have to do what is right for ure friend.

-Vladius faced death at 02:00

20050104
Announcement

Hey ppl..
Firstly, lemme thank all those who sent me um...nice...motivating emails. Just one problem tho...if you all had checked my earlier posts, namely the FAQs...i did mention that this blog is not about me... Some of these stuff were actually written like years back...so yeah...

Ok, but if there were ...i would have mentioned...and in the light of all these, I tink ill jus have a new FAQ posted up...to ans some FAQ asked via email.

Special mention goes to catherine from Germany? for her um...insightful emails. Im also looking at opening up this blog for whoever who would like to post other insightful stuff. So if you are interested, please email me.

Thanks for your support.

-Vladius faced death at 22:53

Sympathetic

And my words will be here when I'm gone
As I'm fading away against the wind
And the words you left me linger on
As I'm failing again now, never to change this

And I'm sympathetic,
Never letting on I feel the way I do
As I'm falling apart again at the seam

And it seems I'm alone here, hollow again
As I'm flailing again against the wind
And the scars I am left with swallow again
As I'm failing again now, never to change this

And I'm sympathetic,
Never letting on I feel the way I do
As I'm falling apart again at the seam

-Vladius faced death at 08:08

20050103
Rearview Mirror

I took a drive today
Time to emancipate
I guess it was the beatings
made me wise
But I'm not about to give thanks
or apologize

I couldn't breathe
holdin' me down
Hand on my face
kissin' the ground

Enmity gauged
united by fear
Tried to endure
what I could not forgive...

I seem to look away
Wounds in the mirror waved
It wasn't my surface
most defiled

Head at your feet
fool to your crown
Fist on my plate,
swallowed it down

Enmity gauged,
united by fear
Tried to endure
what I could not forgive

Saw things Clearer Once you,
were in my...
Rearview mirror...

I gather speed
from you fucking with me
Once and for all
I'm far away
I hardly believe,
finally the shades...
are raised...

Saw things so much clearer
Once you, once you... Rearview mirror .... Lyrics by Pearl Jam

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You ah...SOMETIMES...Just don't listen" a girl - friend of mine told me recently. One thing's for sure she aint the only woman who told me that. My mum practically brainwashes me with that sentence everyday. Ok...before I get a barage of emails slamming me, lemme admit that I DO have that lapse in concentration once in a while...especially when im multi-tasking. Heh...

But this is like the most common complaint given by a woman...to a man...other than the "We are not communicating enough" sentence. So what does it imply? Two possibilities: Firstly, physiologically or anatomically men aren't that great compared to women? Or perhaps, and I'm not crapping here...men don happen to live "the moment". Somehow, we are always focusing on the future....our dreams and ambitions...that big bright idea that suddenly pops up in our heads...anticipating the next step etc. And with that we tend to forget the simple "moment" kinda stuff...how the sun shine or burns our skin, how the sand feels in between our toes etc.

This is the very trait that a man has that can hurt our relationships with our colleagues, our girlfriend, fiance, spouses...the gal you constantly talk on the phone to...and even...kids. Make that...ESPECIALLY kids.

Ok, obviously im not a father yet...but definitely that makes sense EVEN without me having to elaborate. Not being there is one of the biggest mistake a father can make.

My tendency to forget about the now and focus on the when and far fetched future is definitely one of my biggest blind spots. And we all know that blind spots are killers. Think hypothetically here. It kills relationships, careers and it kills you.

One thing Ive learnt, over the space of the short new year, if we are so damn focused on what's happening around us that we...simply lose track of whats going on inside us. We can plot out the golden path on the highway of life as meticulously and diligently as we want, but if we don't know what's creeping up behind...we could end up having a fatal mistake.

But of course, here is the point where we applaud the inventors of the rearview mirror. And that is why, in reality, we have to constantly look back and also over our shouders to see whats catching up on us.

So lets use the new year as the time to check and see what areas we gotta improve ourselves...be in physically, mentally, relationships, career...the options are infinite. Most importantly, lets get things priortised and work our way thru.

-Vladius faced death at 01:29

20050101
Wishlist

I wish I was a neutron bomb...
for once I could go off.
I wish I was a sacrifice...
but somehow I still lived on.

I wish I was a sailor...
with someone waiting for me.
I wish I was as fortunate...
as fortunate as me.

I wish I was a messenger...
and all the news was good.
I wish I was the full moon...
shining off a Camaro's hood.

I wish I was an alien...
at home behind the sun.
I wish I was the souvenir...
you kept your house key on.

I wish I was the pedal brake...
that you depended on.
I wish I was the verb 'trust'...
and never let you down.

Consacre a Mlle Jeux d'enfants.
Merci des memoires.
Juste comme l'ocean, le courant decale.
Je suis heureux que j'aie ete quelque part, de facon ou d'autre une partie de votre vie.

-Vladius faced death at 20:08

20041209
Commitment

Men love their freedom. Well, at least I do. And I'm sure, for many guys, the very thought of making a commitment to one woman for the rest of their lives is enough to send them sprinting up the mountains. The dreaded "C" word implies compromise, loss of independence, the sacrifice of female companionship and variety, and of course, the looming specter of financial devastation.

Just to get the facts right...and the statistics bear this out...it has been reported that, over the past decade, the rate of marriage has been on the decrease.

Men (and women) today are overwhelmingly apprehensive about getting married. Cohabitation...commitment with an escape hatch...is on the rise. So what is the explanation for this phenomenon? Just why are men so afraid of commitment these days?

As usual, I had all the free time in the world to crapp these out...once again, brace yourselves…

We men are extremely independent by nature. Maybe NS played a big part...Anyways, we like to make our own decisions and run our lives by our own rules. We want to do what we want when we want. But when a woman enters the picture, all the choices a guy simply used to take for granted…going out with his buddies, playing video games, playing soccer on Sunday afternoon...suddenly have to be cleared with her first. And her answer is almost always, "No...we're a couple now" (translation: "We're going to do things my way"). Almost overnight, we find ourselves trapped, doing what she wants to do, regardless of his own wants or desires.

We like guy things...we need "guy space" for stuff like cars, computers and watching kick-ass action flicks. But women want to take over, to "female up" what used to be exclusive male territory with frilly drapes and paintings of flowers. In fact, they're so committed to feminizing all the space around them that they quickly start forbidding us to have any guy stuff at all. So suddenly you find yourself buried in female products (ok, im exagerrating here), your bedsheet is in pastel paisley, and the spot where you kept your tools has blossomed into an indoor herb garden.

Many women look at marriage through Cinderella eyes...for them, putting a ring on their fingers means that we will magically solve all their problems, from childhood issues with their fathers to huge shopping debts incurred on credit cards. Women often submerge their true personalities and agendas until the knot is tied…but when the truth comes out and the we find ourselves legally bound to a greedy, magging biAtch, it's too late... Waaay too late...

Commitment implies the ability to compromise...ideally, a marriage should be a 50/50 partnership in which each half contributes and shares equally. But to a woman, "compromise" often means "do it my way or you're gonna go thru hours of mental depression." Mental depression? Yeah...the same coaxing method men have been doing for ages.

Serious relationships uck up an enormous amount of time and energy…they can entirely take over our lives. The pressure is always on to do something, be it dine with her, interact with her family, remember her birthday, or pick her up from work. For some of us, all the bother just isn't worth the effort.

These days, there are fewer societal pressures to marry and we can weigh our options instead of just jumping directly from school into marriage. We can afford to wait for that perfect woman while we concentrate on getting our careers off the ground, save to buy a house, or actively play the field.

We learn pretty fast that many women can't be trusted (sorry ladies its true...oh its true...)…they're always looking to upgrade, to latch onto a man with more money, more status and more stuff to sex-ploit. Commitment to a relationship means putting your heart on the line, and none of us want a sharp stiletto heel spiking us in the back as our ex-girlfriend scrambles over us to get to the next guy.

For a lot of women, commitment is the finish line for their adult lives. They want to get married and they want to do so now. So they exert increasing pressure on us to settle down…pressure that can cause us to pack up and leave.

Committing to a woman is serious business...it's a decision that shouldn't be taken lightly. Too many men get married for the wrong reasons: they're getting older; all their friends are walking down the aisle; the woman is good-looking but lacks other desirable qualities; or they're scared they won't meet anyone else.

But it's normal to feel ambivalent...even scared out of your mind...about signing away all your other options for the rest of your life...

-Vladius faced death at 14:09

20041115
Eid Mubarak

I would like to take this oppurtunity to wish all my muslims friends, Eid Mubarak and Minal aidil wal faizin.

I hope that while we celebrate a triumphant Ramadhan against our Nafs, we do not forget our others who are less priviledged, who fast daily not only because of religious obligations but because they do not have enough to eat.

Remember those who are dying or the ones who have left us since the last Ramadhan and be reminded that one day our time will come.

Remember those who are oppressed whether in Palestine, Afghanistan or Southern Thailand.

Remember that life is short.

-Vladius faced death at 08:16

20041109
9th November...

Events

694 - Hispano-Visigothic king Egica accuses Jews of aiding Moslems, sentenced to slavery.
1282 - Pope Martin IV excommunicates King Peter III of Aragon.
1492 - Peace of Etaples between Henry VII & Charles VIII.
1494 - Family de' Medici become rulers of Florence.
1520 - Swedish King Christian II executes 600 nobles.
1541 - Queen Catherine Howard confined in London Tower.
1729 - Spain, France & England signs Treaty of Seville.
1799 - The Coup of 18 Brumaire.
1851 - Kentucky marshals abduct abolitionist minister Calvin Fairbank from Jeffersonville, Indiana, and take him to Kentucky to stand trial for helping a slave escape.
1862 - American Civil War: Union General Ambrose Burnside assumes command of the Army of the Potomac, following General George McClellan's removal.
1872 - Great Boston Fire of 1872.
1887 - The United States receives rights to Pearl Harbor, Hawaii.
1888 - Jack the Ripper kills Mary Jane Kelly, his last known victim.
1906 - Theodore Roosevelt becomes the first sitting President of the United States to make an official trip outside of the United States when he leaves to inspect the construction progress of the Panama Canal.
1918 - Germany is proclaimed a Republic. Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany abdicates and chooses to live in exile in the Netherlands as a result of the German Revolution.
1918 - Provisional National Council Minister-President Kurt Eisner declares Bavaria to be a republic.
1923 - Beer Hall Putsch fails: In Munich, policeman and troops crush the first Nazi Party attempt to seize control of the German government.
1932 - Riots between conservative and socialist supporters in Switzerland - 12 dead, 60 injured.
1938 - Kristallnacht, Nazi Germany's first large-scale act of physical anti-Jewish violence, begins. (The term Kristallnacht is a widely used euphemism for Reichspogromnacht.)
1953 - Cambodia becomes independent from France.
1963 - 1963 Miike coal-mine explosion: In Japan, a coal mine explosion kills 458 and sends 839 carbon monoxide poisoning victims to the hospital.
1965 - Northeast Blackout of 1965: Several U.S. states and parts of Canada are hit by a series of blackouts lasting up to 13 1/2 hours.
1965 - Catholic Worker member Roger Allen LaPorte sets himself on fire in front of the United Nations building in protest of the Vietnam War.
1967 - Apollo program: NASA launches the unmanned Apollo 4 test spacecraft from Cape Kennedy.
1970 - Vietnam War: The Supreme Court of the United States to not hear a case to allow Massachusetts to enforce its law granting residents the right to refuse military service in an undeclared war.
1971 - John List, an accountant from Westfield, New Jersey murders his mother, wife and three children. He then hides under a new identity for 18 years.
1978 - Birth date.
1989 - Cold War: Communist-controlled East Germany opens checkpoints in the Berlin Wall allowing its citizens to freely travel to West Germany for the first time in decades.
1993 - Stari Most, the 1566 constructed "old bridge" in bosnian Mostar collapses after several days of bombing.
1997 - Temasek Poly 110m & 400m Hurdles.
1998 - 400m Hurdles National Select Team.
1998 - In the largest civil settlement in United States history, a federal judge approves a US$1.03 billion settlement requiring dozens of brokerage houses to pay investors cheated in a price-fixing scheme on the NASDAQ.
2001 - Rota Commader Changi Fire Station.
2002 - Head Info Branch/ Liasons Officer MHA.
2003 - A total lunar eclipse is seen in the Americas, Europe, Africa, and Central Asia.
2003 - A suicide-terrorist attack in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, has killed 17 people, during the holy month of Ramadan.
2004 - Mozilla Foundation launches version 1.0 of its flagship browser, Mozilla Firefox.
2004 - Bungie and Microsoft release Halo 2, the sequel to the hit Xbox game Halo.

-Vladius faced death at 09:11

20041023
Ladder 49

Awesome show. Brought back memories...
Anyway, I've been keeping this for some time...
Enjoy...

Ponderance
Dear friends,

I wish you could comprehend a wife's horror at 3 in the morning...
as I check her husband of 40 years for a pulse and find none.
I start CPR anyway, hoping to bring him back...
knowing intuitively it is too late.
But wanting his wife and family to know...
everything possible was done to try to save his life.

I wish you could see the sadness of a business man...
as his livelihood goes up in flames...
or that family returning home...
only too find their house...
and belongings damaged or lost for good.

I wish you could know what it is like to search...
a burning bedroom for trapped children...
flames rolling above your head...
your palms and knees burning as you crawl...
the floor sagging under your weight...
as the kitchen below you burns.

I wish you knew the unique smell of burning insulation...
the taste of soot-filled mucus...
the feeling of intense heat through your turnout gear...
the sound of flames crackling...
the eeriness of being able to see absolutely nothing...
in dense smoke-sensations...
that I've become too familiar with.

I wish you could understand...
how it feels to go to work in the morning...
after having spent most of the night...
hot and soaking wet at a multiple alarm.

I wish you could read my mind...
as I respond to a building fire...
"Is this a false alarm or a working fire?
How is the building constructed?
What hazards await me?
Is anyone trapped?"
Or to an EMS call...
"What is wrong with the patient?
Is it minor or life-threatening?
Is the caller really in distress...
or is he waiting for us with a parang or a gun?"

I wish you could be in the emergency room...
as a doctor pronounces dead...
the beautiful five-year-old girl...
that I have been trying to save for the past 25 minutes.
Who will never go on her first date...
or say the words, "I love you Mommy" again.

I wish you could know...
the frustration I feel in the cab of the engine, squad, or my personal vehicle...
the driver with his foot pressing down hard on the pedal...
my feet jamming again and again at the air horn pedal...
as you fail to yield...
the right-of-way at an intersection or in traffic.
When you need us however...
your first comment upon our arrival will be...
"It took you forever to get here."

I wish you could know my thoughts...
as I help extricate a girl of teenage years from the remains of her car.
"What if this was my sister, my girlfriend or a friend?
What are her parents reaction going to be...
when they open the door to find a police officer with...
his hat in his hand?"

I wish you could know...
how it feels to walk in the back door and greet my parents and family...
not having the heart to tell them...
that I nearly did not come back from the last call.

I wish you could know how it feels...
dispatching officers, firemen and EMTs out...
and when we call for them our heart drops...
because no one answers back...
or to hear a bone chilling 995 call...
of a child or wife needing assistance.

I wish you could feel...
the hurt as people verbally...
and sometimes physically...
abuse us or belittle what I do...
or as they express their attitudes of...
"It will never happen to me."

I wish you could realize the physical...
emotional...
and mental drain...
or missed meals...
lost sleep...
and forgone social activities, ...
in addition to all the tragedy my eyes have seen.

I wish you could know...
the brotherhood and self-satisfaction...
of helping save a life...
or preserving someone's property...
or being able to be there in time of crisis...
or creating order from total chaos.

I wish you could understand...
what it feels like to have a little boy tugging at your arm and asking,...
"Is Mommy okay?"
Not even being able to look in his eyes...
without tears in your own...
and not knowing what to say...
Or to have to hold back a long time friend...
who watches his buddy...
having rescue breathing done on him...
as they take him away in the ambulance...
You know all along he did not have a seat belt on...
A sensation that I have become too familiar with.

Unless you have lived this kind of life...
you will never truly understand or appreciate who I am...
we are...
or what our job really means to us...
I wish you could though.

Author Unknown

THIS PAGE IS NOT ONLY DEDICATED TO ALL THE HEROES WHO
HAVE LOST THEIR LIVES IN PUBLIC SERVICE, BUT ALSO IN
APPRECIATION AND SUPPORT OF ALL THE LOCAL EMS WORKERS,
FIREFIGHTERS & POLICE OFFICERS IN YOUR AREA.
WHEN YOU SEE THEM COMING WITH LIGHTS FLASHING, MOVE
OUT OF THE WAY QUICKLY...

THEN PRAY FOR THEM.

-Vladius faced death at 04:00

20041010
The Long Road

Can I wait for so long?
I cannot say...
Oh, the precious moments...
Cannot stay...
It's not like winds have fallen...
I cannot say...
Without you something's missing...
I cannot say...

Oh, the hands of dawn in his heart
And their face is falling down
Down, down, down...
I have wished for so long...
Now I wish for you again

Will I walk the long road?
I cannot say...
There's no need to say goodbye

Oh, the pressure's building
All the memories going round
Round, round, round...
I have wished for so long...
Now I wish for you again

And the wind keeps blowin'
And the sky keeps turning grey

And the sun is set
The sun won't never rise again

I have wished for so long ...
Now I wish for you again
I have wished for so long...
Now I wish for you today

Will I walk the long road?
I cannot say...

-Eddie Vedder & Nusrat Fateh Khan from the Soundtrack of Dead Man Walking

-Vladius faced death at 01:48

20041003
403

Every relationship needs maintainance (and im not jus talkin abt the lovey dovey stuff). Whether its by the smallest gesture or picking up that long lost friend from exactly where you left off. Bottomline is... if you really care for someone, its really easy to make that sacrifice.

I believe that sacrifices are the root to bigger things to come. It may not always turn out the way you want it... and it may even be something you don't wanna do initially or along the way... but in the end it is always something that yields to... what you really want... without regrets.

-Vladius faced death at 14:30