The Vlad Life

Apologies

2005-04-29T19:10:00.000+08:00

Its been some time since I last posted. Perhaps I'm too busy managing two other blog sites. Will come out with one in the next few days.

Till then, ponder on this...will jealousy kill you?

Nothing Else Matters

2005-04-03T17:00:00.000+08:00

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who we are
and nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us is something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

Assumptions

2005-02-26T08:08:00.000+08:00

"Assumptions allow the best in life to pass you by", John Sales. Whoever this John Sales may be...hes spot on. I guess this is probably one of the most crappiest entry id craft. As usual, brace yourself.

Assuming things/situations is probably my greatest weakness...Its not like its so wrong...perhaps I enjoy the thrill when i make decisions based on assumptions and its spot on...or perhaps its linked to my other alterego...Mr Ego. Heh... Or my superego...Mr Slacker.

Perhaps...now I know why Time Magazine Person of the Year for 2004 did the stuff he did in 2004...To be in the same boat as him is never to be considered an honour...

Being somewhat a "thinker" I have this un0pposed self belief that i have thought through of most things in life and it requires the same application all the time. Thus, I tend to leave out the simple things in life...yes...i know I've covered this before...so ill skip this.

Of course, there are also problems with regards to the complicated matters in life...the ever-assuming me would simply take a global look and give an assumption based on the facts that Ive seen it before and follow up actions based on that.

Metaphorically, its just like a long rope...all tangled up in knots and such, and all I did was take two ends of the rope and use it to tie whatever was needed. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that its almost impossible to tie knots from a badly tangled rope and it doesn't take a boy scout to tell me that the knot i tied ain't safe. From another angle, if the knot I tied works...i jus proved a rocket scientist and a boy scout wrong...

Sadly, as Ive realised, this is how I function and perhaps...this figures why my success and failure in life are of two extremes.

Truthfully, how many of us out there really bother to sit down and untangle that complicated "rope" of ours? Have we ever pondered what if we really did that lil extra? Would we live happily ever after? Would the world be a safer place? Heh..

Jibes aside, Ive never regretted the decisions I had made nor the path it led(sounding alot like Time Magazine Person of the Year for 2004) ...It has propelled me to leaps and boundaries and of course...to the cellars of life. But that doesn't mean i wont jump into a Time Machine (if someone did create one) to edit that ONE THING in life...last night perhaps...or the last hour or perhaps four years ago...heh...

I'll jus sign off with another quote..."Never assume, for it makes an ASS of U and ME.", Anon.

So who is the man of the year for 2004?
Click below:
http://www.time.com/time/personoftheyear/2004/

Love her

2005-01-31T11:05:00.000+08:00

I met a girl who hated the world,
she used her body to sell her soul
Everytime they'd break her and pay,
tear out her heart and leave her in pain

I never found out how she survived
all of the sadness she kept inside
I never found out how she could lie
with a smile on her face and the scratches she'd hide

Down on her knees she wept on the floor,
this hopeless life she wanted no more
Dead in her mind and cold to the bone,
she opened her eyes and saw she was alone

She never found out how much I tried,
all of the sadness she kept had made me blind
She never found out how much I cried,
the rope so tight on the night that she died

I never found out how she survived,
a life lived in lies is a life of denial
I never found out how she could lie,
with a smile on her face and the darkness inside

Old Habits Die Hard

2005-01-23T19:07:00.000+08:00

I thought I shook myself free
You see I bounce back quicker than most
But i'm half delirious, Its too mysterious
You walk through my walls like a ghost
And I take everyday at a time
I'm as proud as a Lion in his Lair
Now there's no denying it, a note to crying it
Your'e all tangled up in my head

Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Harder than November rain
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Hard enough to feel the pain

We haven't spoken in months
You see i've been counting the days
I dream of such humanities, such insanities
I'm lost like a kid and i'm late
But i've never taken your coats
Haven't no block on my phone
I act like an addict, i just got to have it
I can never just leave it alone

Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Harder than November rain
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Hard enough to feel the pain

And I can't give you up
Can't leave you alone
And its so hard, so hard
And hard enough to feel the pain

Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Harder than November rain
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Hard enough to feel the pain

...by Mick Jagger & Dave Stewart OST ALFIE

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I don't depend on nobody...
Nobody depends on me...
My Life's my own...
But I don't have a peace of mind...
...What's it all about? You know what I mean?"

- Alfie, from the movie Alfie.

Loads to comment about this absolutely fantastic bare-it-all of the male psychology (at least for me)...
But i'll save till my next post.

My Choosiest Choice of All

2005-01-16T02:00:00.000+08:00

In life, there are personal realisations and professional ones. But the worst of these realisations are the ones that sneak up on u...In an ideal world, u can hide from almost anything...but realistically, theres no way u can hide from your conscience.

There comes a time when a man has to make a choice. Whether its a professional choice or a personal one. In the end, its all about integrity...and about chasing after what u really want. Even if it means to sacrifice...or jus to show that u care a lil...and sometimes...well sometimes...u just have to do what is right for ure friend.

Announcement

2005-01-04T22:53:00.000+08:00

Hey ppl..
Firstly, lemme thank all those who sent me um...nice...motivating emails. Just one problem tho...if you all had checked my earlier posts, namely the FAQs...i did mention that this blog is not about me... Some of these stuff were actually written like years back...so yeah...

Ok, but if there were ...i would have mentioned...and in the light of all these, I tink ill jus have a new FAQ posted up...to ans some FAQ asked via email.

Special mention goes to catherine from Germany? for her um...insightful emails. Im also looking at opening up this blog for whoever who would like to post other insightful stuff. So if you are interested, please email me.

Thanks for your support.

Sympathetic

2005-01-04T08:08:00.000+08:00

And my words will be here when I'm gone
As I'm fading away against the wind
And the words you left me linger on
As I'm failing again now, never to change this

And I'm sympathetic,
Never letting on I feel the way I do
As I'm falling apart again at the seam

And it seems I'm alone here, hollow again
As I'm flailing again against the wind
And the scars I am left with swallow again
As I'm failing again now, never to change this

And I'm sympathetic,
Never letting on I feel the way I do
As I'm falling apart again at the seam

Rearview Mirror

2005-01-03T01:29:00.000+08:00

I took a drive today
Time to emancipate
I guess it was the beatings
made me wise
But I'm not about to give thanks
or apologize

I couldn't breathe
holdin' me down
Hand on my face
kissin' the ground

Enmity gauged
united by fear
Tried to endure
what I could not forgive...

I seem to look away
Wounds in the mirror waved
It wasn't my surface
most defiled

Head at your feet
fool to your crown
Fist on my plate,
swallowed it down

Enmity gauged,
united by fear
Tried to endure
what I could not forgive

Saw things Clearer Once you,
were in my...
Rearview mirror...

I gather speed
from you fucking with me
Once and for all
I'm far away
I hardly believe,
finally the shades...
are raised...

Saw things so much clearer
Once you, once you... Rearview mirror .... Lyrics by Pearl Jam

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You ah...SOMETIMES...Just don't listen" a girl - friend of mine told me recently. One thing's for sure she aint the only woman who told me that. My mum practically brainwashes me with that sentence everyday. Ok...before I get a barage of emails slamming me, lemme admit that I DO have that lapse in concentration once in a while...especially when im multi-tasking. Heh...

But this is like the most common complaint given by a woman...to a man...other than the "We are not communicating enough" sentence. So what does it imply? Two possibilities: Firstly, physiologically or anatomically men aren't that great compared to women? Or perhaps, and I'm not crapping here...men don happen to live "the moment". Somehow, we are always focusing on the future....our dreams and ambitions...that big bright idea that suddenly pops up in our heads...anticipating the next step etc. And with that we tend to forget the simple "moment" kinda stuff...how the sun shine or burns our skin, how the sand feels in between our toes etc.

This is the very trait that a man has that can hurt our relationships with our colleagues, our girlfriend, fiance, spouses...the gal you constantly talk on the phone to...and even...kids. Make that...ESPECIALLY kids.

Ok, obviously im not a father yet...but definitely that makes sense EVEN without me having to elaborate. Not being there is one of the biggest mistake a father can make.

My tendency to forget about the now and focus on the when and far fetched future is definitely one of my biggest blind spots. And we all know that blind spots are killers. Think hypothetically here. It kills relationships, careers and it kills you.

One thing Ive learnt, over the space of the short new year, if we are so damn focused on what's happening around us that we...simply lose track of whats going on inside us. We can plot out the golden path on the highway of life as meticulously and diligently as we want, but if we don't know what's creeping up behind...we could end up having a fatal mistake.

But of course, here is the point where we applaud the inventors of the rearview mirror. And that is why, in reality, we have to constantly look back and also over our shouders to see whats catching up on us.

So lets use the new year as the time to check and see what areas we gotta improve ourselves...be in physically, mentally, relationships, career...the options are infinite. Most importantly, lets get things priortised and work our way thru.

Wishlist

2005-01-01T20:08:00.000+08:00

I wish I was a neutron bomb...
for once I could go off.
I wish I was a sacrifice...
but somehow I still lived on.

I wish I was a sailor...
with someone waiting for me.
I wish I was as fortunate...
as fortunate as me.

I wish I was a messenger...
and all the news was good.
I wish I was the full moon...
shining off a Camaro's hood.

I wish I was an alien...
at home behind the sun.
I wish I was the souvenir...
you kept your house key on.

I wish I was the pedal brake...
that you depended on.
I wish I was the verb 'trust'...
and never let you down.

Consacre a Mlle Jeux d'enfants.
Merci des memoires.
Juste comme l'ocean, le courant decale.
Je suis heureux que j'aie ete quelque part, de facon ou d'autre une partie de votre vie.

Commitment

2004-12-09T14:09:00.000+08:00

Men love their freedom. Well, at least I do. And I'm sure, for many guys, the very thought of making a commitment to one woman for the rest of their lives is enough to send them sprinting up the mountains. The dreaded "C" word implies compromise, loss of independence, the sacrifice of female companionship and variety, and of course, the looming specter of financial devastation.

Just to get the facts right...and the statistics bear this out...it has been reported that, over the past decade, the rate of marriage has been on the decrease.

Men (and women) today are overwhelmingly apprehensive about getting married. Cohabitation...commitment with an escape hatch...is on the rise. So what is the explanation for this phenomenon? Just why are men so afraid of commitment these days?

As usual, I had all the free time in the world to crapp these out...once again, brace yourselves…

We men are extremely independent by nature. Maybe NS played a big part...Anyways, we like to make our own decisions and run our lives by our own rules. We want to do what we want when we want. But when a woman enters the picture, all the choices a guy simply used to take for granted…going out with his buddies, playing video games, playing soccer on Sunday afternoon...suddenly have to be cleared with her first. And her answer is almost always, "No...we're a couple now" (translation: "We're going to do things my way"). Almost overnight, we find ourselves trapped, doing what she wants to do, regardless of his own wants or desires.

We like guy things...we need "guy space" for stuff like cars, computers and watching kick-ass action flicks. But women want to take over, to "female up" what used to be exclusive male territory with frilly drapes and paintings of flowers. In fact, they're so committed to feminizing all the space around them that they quickly start forbidding us to have any guy stuff at all. So suddenly you find yourself buried in female products (ok, im exagerrating here), your bedsheet is in pastel paisley, and the spot where you kept your tools has blossomed into an indoor herb garden.

Many women look at marriage through Cinderella eyes...for them, putting a ring on their fingers means that we will magically solve all their problems, from childhood issues with their fathers to huge shopping debts incurred on credit cards. Women often submerge their true personalities and agendas until the knot is tied…but when the truth comes out and the we find ourselves legally bound to a greedy, magging biAtch, it's too late... Waaay too late...

Commitment implies the ability to compromise...ideally, a marriage should be a 50/50 partnership in which each half contributes and shares equally. But to a woman, "compromise" often means "do it my way or you're gonna go thru hours of mental depression." Mental depression? Yeah...the same coaxing method men have been doing for ages.

Serious relationships uck up an enormous amount of time and energy…they can entirely take over our lives. The pressure is always on to do something, be it dine with her, interact with her family, remember her birthday, or pick her up from work. For some of us, all the bother just isn't worth the effort.

These days, there are fewer societal pressures to marry and we can weigh our options instead of just jumping directly from school into marriage. We can afford to wait for that perfect woman while we concentrate on getting our careers off the ground, save to buy a house, or actively play the field.

We learn pretty fast that many women can't be trusted (sorry ladies its true...oh its true...)…they're always looking to upgrade, to latch onto a man with more money, more status and more stuff to sex-ploit. Commitment to a relationship means putting your heart on the line, and none of us want a sharp stiletto heel spiking us in the back as our ex-girlfriend scrambles over us to get to the next guy.

For a lot of women, commitment is the finish line for their adult lives. They want to get married and they want to do so now. So they exert increasing pressure on us to settle down…pressure that can cause us to pack up and leave.

Committing to a woman is serious business...it's a decision that shouldn't be taken lightly. Too many men get married for the wrong reasons: they're getting older; all their friends are walking down the aisle; the woman is good-looking but lacks other desirable qualities; or they're scared they won't meet anyone else.

But it's normal to feel ambivalent...even scared out of your mind...about signing away all your other options for the rest of your life...

Eid Mubarak

2004-11-15T08:16:00.000+08:00

I would like to take this oppurtunity to wish all my muslims friends, Eid Mubarak and Minal aidil wal faizin.

I hope that while we celebrate a triumphant Ramadhan against our Nafs, we do not forget our others who are less priviledged, who fast daily not only because of religious obligations but because they do not have enough to eat.

Remember those who are dying or the ones who have left us since the last Ramadhan and be reminded that one day our time will come.

Remember those who are oppressed whether in Palestine, Afghanistan or Southern Thailand.

Remember that life is short.

9th November...

2004-11-09T09:11:00.000+08:00

Events

694 - Hispano-Visigothic king Egica accuses Jews of aiding Moslems, sentenced to slavery.
1282 - Pope Martin IV excommunicates King Peter III of Aragon.
1492 - Peace of Etaples between Henry VII & Charles VIII.
1494 - Family de' Medici become rulers of Florence.
1520 - Swedish King Christian II executes 600 nobles.
1541 - Queen Catherine Howard confined in London Tower.
1729 - Spain, France & England signs Treaty of Seville.
1799 - The Coup of 18 Brumaire.
1851 - Kentucky marshals abduct abolitionist minister Calvin Fairbank from Jeffersonville, Indiana, and take him to Kentucky to stand trial for helping a slave escape.
1862 - American Civil War: Union General Ambrose Burnside assumes command of the Army of the Potomac, following General George McClellan's removal.
1872 - Great Boston Fire of 1872.
1887 - The United States receives rights to Pearl Harbor, Hawaii.
1888 - Jack the Ripper kills Mary Jane Kelly, his last known victim.
1906 - Theodore Roosevelt becomes the first sitting President of the United States to make an official trip outside of the United States when he leaves to inspect the construction progress of the Panama Canal.
1918 - Germany is proclaimed a Republic. Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany abdicates and chooses to live in exile in the Netherlands as a result of the German Revolution.
1918 - Provisional National Council Minister-President Kurt Eisner declares Bavaria to be a republic.
1923 - Beer Hall Putsch fails: In Munich, policeman and troops crush the first Nazi Party attempt to seize control of the German government.
1932 - Riots between conservative and socialist supporters in Switzerland - 12 dead, 60 injured.
1938 - Kristallnacht, Nazi Germany's first large-scale act of physical anti-Jewish violence, begins. (The term Kristallnacht is a widely used euphemism for Reichspogromnacht.)
1953 - Cambodia becomes independent from France.
1963 - 1963 Miike coal-mine explosion: In Japan, a coal mine explosion kills 458 and sends 839 carbon monoxide poisoning victims to the hospital.
1965 - Northeast Blackout of 1965: Several U.S. states and parts of Canada are hit by a series of blackouts lasting up to 13 1/2 hours.
1965 - Catholic Worker member Roger Allen LaPorte sets himself on fire in front of the United Nations building in protest of the Vietnam War.
1967 - Apollo program: NASA launches the unmanned Apollo 4 test spacecraft from Cape Kennedy.
1970 - Vietnam War: The Supreme Court of the United States to not hear a case to allow Massachusetts to enforce its law granting residents the right to refuse military service in an undeclared war.
1971 - John List, an accountant from Westfield, New Jersey murders his mother, wife and three children. He then hides under a new identity for 18 years.
1978 - Birth date.
1989 - Cold War: Communist-controlled East Germany opens checkpoints in the Berlin Wall allowing its citizens to freely travel to West Germany for the first time in decades.
1993 - Stari Most, the 1566 constructed "old bridge" in bosnian Mostar collapses after several days of bombing.
1997 - Temasek Poly 110m & 400m Hurdles.
1998 - 400m Hurdles National Select Team.
1998 - In the largest civil settlement in United States history, a federal judge approves a US$1.03 billion settlement requiring dozens of brokerage houses to pay investors cheated in a price-fixing scheme on the NASDAQ.
2001 - Rota Commader Changi Fire Station.
2002 - Head Info Branch/ Liasons Officer MHA.
2003 - A total lunar eclipse is seen in the Americas, Europe, Africa, and Central Asia.
2003 - A suicide-terrorist attack in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, has killed 17 people, during the holy month of Ramadan.
2004 - Mozilla Foundation launches version 1.0 of its flagship browser, Mozilla Firefox.
2004 - Bungie and Microsoft release Halo 2, the sequel to the hit Xbox game Halo.

Ladder 49

2004-10-23T04:00:00.000+08:00

Awesome show. Brought back memories...
Anyway, I've been keeping this for some time...
Enjoy...

Ponderance
Dear friends,

I wish you could comprehend a wife's horror at 3 in the morning...
as I check her husband of 40 years for a pulse and find none.
I start CPR anyway, hoping to bring him back...
knowing intuitively it is too late.
But wanting his wife and family to know...
everything possible was done to try to save his life.

I wish you could see the sadness of a business man...
as his livelihood goes up in flames...
or that family returning home...
only too find their house...
and belongings damaged or lost for good.

I wish you could know what it is like to search...
a burning bedroom for trapped children...
flames rolling above your head...
your palms and knees burning as you crawl...
the floor sagging under your weight...
as the kitchen below you burns.

I wish you knew the unique smell of burning insulation...
the taste of soot-filled mucus...
the feeling of intense heat through your turnout gear...
the sound of flames crackling...
the eeriness of being able to see absolutely nothing...
in dense smoke-sensations...
that I've become too familiar with.

I wish you could understand...
how it feels to go to work in the morning...
after having spent most of the night...
hot and soaking wet at a multiple alarm.

I wish you could read my mind...
as I respond to a building fire...
"Is this a false alarm or a working fire?
How is the building constructed?
What hazards await me?
Is anyone trapped?"
Or to an EMS call...
"What is wrong with the patient?
Is it minor or life-threatening?
Is the caller really in distress...
or is he waiting for us with a parang or a gun?"

I wish you could be in the emergency room...
as a doctor pronounces dead...
the beautiful five-year-old girl...
that I have been trying to save for the past 25 minutes.
Who will never go on her first date...
or say the words, "I love you Mommy" again.

I wish you could know...
the frustration I feel in the cab of the engine, squad, or my personal vehicle...
the driver with his foot pressing down hard on the pedal...
my feet jamming again and again at the air horn pedal...
as you fail to yield...
the right-of-way at an intersection or in traffic.
When you need us however...
your first comment upon our arrival will be...
"It took you forever to get here."

I wish you could know my thoughts...
as I help extricate a girl of teenage years from the remains of her car.
"What if this was my sister, my girlfriend or a friend?
What are her parents reaction going to be...
when they open the door to find a police officer with...
his hat in his hand?"

I wish you could know...
how it feels to walk in the back door and greet my parents and family...
not having the heart to tell them...
that I nearly did not come back from the last call.

I wish you could know how it feels...
dispatching officers, firemen and EMTs out...
and when we call for them our heart drops...
because no one answers back...
or to hear a bone chilling 995 call...
of a child or wife needing assistance.

I wish you could feel...
the hurt as people verbally...
and sometimes physically...
abuse us or belittle what I do...
or as they express their attitudes of...
"It will never happen to me."

I wish you could realize the physical...
emotional...
and mental drain...
or missed meals...
lost sleep...
and forgone social activities, ...
in addition to all the tragedy my eyes have seen.

I wish you could know...
the brotherhood and self-satisfaction...
of helping save a life...
or preserving someone's property...
or being able to be there in time of crisis...
or creating order from total chaos.

I wish you could understand...
what it feels like to have a little boy tugging at your arm and asking,...
"Is Mommy okay?"
Not even being able to look in his eyes...
without tears in your own...
and not knowing what to say...
Or to have to hold back a long time friend...
who watches his buddy...
having rescue breathing done on him...
as they take him away in the ambulance...
You know all along he did not have a seat belt on...
A sensation that I have become too familiar with.

Unless you have lived this kind of life...
you will never truly understand or appreciate who I am...
we are...
or what our job really means to us...
I wish you could though.

Author Unknown

THIS PAGE IS NOT ONLY DEDICATED TO ALL THE HEROES WHO
HAVE LOST THEIR LIVES IN PUBLIC SERVICE, BUT ALSO IN
APPRECIATION AND SUPPORT OF ALL THE LOCAL EMS WORKERS,
FIREFIGHTERS & POLICE OFFICERS IN YOUR AREA.
WHEN YOU SEE THEM COMING WITH LIGHTS FLASHING, MOVE
OUT OF THE WAY QUICKLY...

THEN PRAY FOR THEM.

The Long Road

2004-10-10T01:48:00.000+08:00

Can I wait for so long?
I cannot say...
Oh, the precious moments...
Cannot stay...
It's not like winds have fallen...
I cannot say...
Without you something's missing...
I cannot say...

Oh, the hands of dawn in his heart
And their face is falling down
Down, down, down...
I have wished for so long...
Now I wish for you again

Will I walk the long road?
I cannot say...
There's no need to say goodbye

Oh, the pressure's building
All the memories going round
Round, round, round...
I have wished for so long...
Now I wish for you again

And the wind keeps blowin'
And the sky keeps turning grey

And the sun is set
The sun won't never rise again

I have wished for so long ...
Now I wish for you again
I have wished for so long...
Now I wish for you today

Will I walk the long road?
I cannot say...

-Eddie Vedder & Nusrat Fateh Khan from the Soundtrack of Dead Man Walking

403

2004-10-03T14:30:00.000+08:00

Every relationship needs maintainance (and im not jus talkin abt the lovey dovey stuff). Whether its by the smallest gesture or picking up that long lost friend from exactly where you left off. Bottomline is... if you really care for someone, its really easy to make that sacrifice.

I believe that sacrifices are the root to bigger things to come. It may not always turn out the way you want it... and it may even be something you don't wanna do initially or along the way... but in the end it is always something that yields to... what you really want... without regrets.

One Thing by Finger 11

2004-10-01T23:11:00.000+08:00

Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It's nothing I planned,And nothing I can.
But you should be mine,
Across that line.

If I traded it all,
If I gave it all away for one thing.
Just for one thing.
If I sorted it out,
If I knew all about this one thing,
Wouldn't that be something?

I promise I might,
Not walk on by.
Maybe next time,
But not this time.
Even though I know,
I don't wanna know.
Yeah I guess I know,
I just hate how it sounds.

If I traded it all,
If I gave it all away for one thing.
Just for one thing.
If I sorted it out,
If I knew all about this one thing,
Wouldn't that be something?

Even though I know,
I don't wanna know.
Yeah I guess I know,
I just hate how it sounds.

If I traded it all,
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing.
If I sorted it out,
If I knew all about this one thing,
Wouldn't that be something?

The Cherry-Chocolate Bar

2004-09-07T21:13:00.000+08:00

Everyone can see the wrapper...

Take off the wrapper and you will see the chocolate layer...

Bite the into the bar and u will see the cherry centre.

...Aren't we all the same?

My Journey

2004-08-21T00:00:00.000+08:00

In life, everyday is made up of little battles. Sometimes we fight them not because we want to, but because we have to. Other times, we fight for what we want but what we want is something we just cannot get.

If we are lucky, theres no battle to fight at all...everything turns out perfectly.

Im always happy when someone wins a battle. Its not jus the sight of a smile...but the triumph of an individual overcoming their odds.

I guess in the end, we have to fight for the thing that really matter...like pride, work and friendships... and sometimes all we can do... is grit our teeth and tell the truth.

Time Is Running Out by Muse

2004-08-02T22:52:00.000+08:00

I think I'm drowning
asphyxiating
I wanna break the spell
that you've created

you're something beautiful
a contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

you will be...the death...of me

I wanted freedom
but I'm restricted
I tried to give you up
but I'm addicted

now that you know I'm trapped
sense of elation
you'll never dream of
breaking this fixation

you will squeeze...the life...out of me

how did it come to this?

you will suck...the life...out of me

bury it?
I won't let you bury it...
I won't let you smother it...
I won't let you murder it...

our time is running out
and our time is running out
you can't push it underground
we can't stop it screaming out

how did it come to this?

Everybody's Changing by Keane

2004-07-28T23:22:00.000+08:00

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'cos everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

My Screw Up

2004-07-24T20:42:00.000+08:00

Guilt is a funny thing. It can lead to denial...and guilt can lead to compromise. Which leads to the most important part of today's entry...acceptance.

Acceptance can take up many different forms...whether its ok to show your soft side once in awhile...or accepting sumone u love just the way they are...

But in the end the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone u feel...how painful it may be...with the help of those around you...you'll get thru this too.

My Friend the Doctor

2004-07-22T21:55:00.000+08:00

Some people hide from who they really are...others eventually accept who they are...but sometimes, its the tough moments that help u realise who u finally become...

My Butterfly

2004-07-20T20:33:00.000+08:00

Its hard to avoid letting ppl down. Whether its someone u made a promise to or sumone u love or even letting down sumone u barely knew at all. In the end, its the "what ifs" that hurt the most. Like...what if things had gone a little different?

For me, I believe in fate. But I also believe we have more control than we think...and that every action has a reaction. Afterall, the most minor event...even a butterfly flapping its wings can change everything.

Its great when things come thru for sumone...of course things don always happen the way it was hoped. In the end...u learn to treasure things that go ure way...and be there for the ones you love when they don't.

And most importantly, u learn that some things are out of your hand. Still, with so much of life left up to chance, you can't help but wonder...

What if things had been different?

Nice Guys Finish Last

2004-07-10T23:15:00.000+08:00

"As a man, you have to die once in order to live." I never grasped that quote, nor did I understand it until I experienced it first hand. From that time on, I understood the origins of the Jerk vs. Nice Guy battle.

You may be asking if I have lost it again and start crapping...True. Brace yourself...has anyone ever noticed the fact that women habitually date men that are jerks while the "nice" guys are often left starring at the ceiling?

Figuratively speaking, in order for a man to enjoy the company of women and be able to seduce them, his inner nice guy must first die through heartache. It is at this point that his inner bad boy surfaces and goes on the prowl.

Any man that has experienced true love, only to have his heart crushed by the woman that he thought he would spend his life with, will understand what I am talking about. A man that has never experienced the heartache of being burned by the one person he really trusted probably won't understand my commentary. In any case, it is important to understand why nice guys finish last and why they probably always will.

Contrary to what most women think, men are interested in successful relationships. Most men will never pass up the chance to date the woman of their dreams. In fact, when a man does encounter this rarity of a woman, his passion gets the better of him. The thoughts that race through his mind are something along the lines of, "This woman is a keeper. I'm going to treat her right and do all I can to make her happy."

The only problem with being a nice guy is that you also become the boring, predictable guy. The excitement of the seduction process begins to fade for the woman because she has what she wants and doesn't have to do any chasing. Eventually the woman starts losing interest and before you know it, her eyes start to wander. Am I right ladies?

In the end, she'll look for a new man who will bring excitement back into her life by being the "new and improved" challenge. Pursuit and excitement usually stem from selfish attitudes, much like the bad boy who doesn't care about anyone but himself. The nice guy will be left heartbroken and will start wondering what in the world he did wrong.

It's at this point that men begin to realize that most women generally don't know what they want from us. Evidently, being the nice guy certainly doesn't help. The conclusion of the aforementioned scenario? The death of the nice guy persona. So that's the life and death of the nice guy and, as a result, "Mr. Nice" is resurrected into "Mr. Jerk".

As long as nice guys continue to get burned, there will always be a healthy supply of new jerks on the horizon to provide the dose of misery that women seem to yearn for. Eventually (often quite quickly), these nice guys will realize what type of man women actually want. The result is something that snaps inside of them as they begin to mimic the jerks that most women seem to pursue incessantly.

To become that kind of man, the charade must be taken to the extreme, which involves acting like a selfish person that has no regard for other people's feelings. This amounts to a jerk that will say anything to get a woman into bed. The jerk will furnish her with tons of roller coaster emotions and once he has sex with her, he'll dump her. Why? Because he feels vengeful and wants to burn women the same way he was burned. Remember; once you get burned, don't STOP playing with fire...you TAME the flame.

So when women inadvertently give life to these jerks, they are really shooting themselves in the feet. That's the life and legacy of jerks everywhere.

If nice guys are what women really want, then why is it that most nice guys are single? Why is it that we constantly hear stories about women dating big jerks that took them for a ride...literally?

The fact is that women generally don't want nice guys, or maybe they're too busy chasing after jerks to realize that they do. Why? Because women act on impulse and emotion rather than fact. Who do you suppose brings out these same irrepressible emotions in women? The jerks...of course.

So what does this all add up to? No one wants to get hurt, but in the same instance, no one wants to be perceived as a jerk either. That is why it's important to have a balanced attitude towards relationships. A man has to be able to court a woman, amuse her and excite her while continuously remaining a challenge.

Conclusion, be nice to women, but remember who comes first in life; you, your irreplaceable family and friends, and then your woman. Which we always tend to forget...

Being friends with ex-s...

2004-07-04T18:20:00.000+08:00

In most relationships, the time to say goodbye usually arrives at one point or another . You've shared memories that had made you laugh and cry, and it's time to take your experiences, put them in your back pocket and move on...But along the road called ' parting ways', there are couples who feel the need to promise to stay friends...which IMHO (in my humble opinion) is just another avenue for more broken promises...

Although it would make things much easier in the dating world, relationships rarely see mutual breakups. One person is usually the heartbreaker, while the other mulls over the breakup and pain for weeks, even months and perhaps years...It's never easy to break up with someone you've shared good times with (and even if they were bad times, they were still times).

How often have we heard of this..."It's not you, it's me. We'll still be friends, right?" This peace offering of friendship provides the dumper with the solace of knowing they aren't such a horrible person because they still want to be friends with their girlfriend or rather...ex.

Not only does it give the dumper the comfort of knowing they aren't monsters...but by wanting to remain friends, it also allows the dumper to feel that their former lover will still be in their life, and they won't have to miss having them around.

So now the dumper can move on with their life with ease, and with the pleasure of having coffee with their former mate every so often...but the ex whose heart was ripped out and chewed up by the person who keeps leaving them friendly messages and e-mail isn't a happy camper.

Obviously, these messages on the machine and coffee dates don't last long, and if they do, they end even worse than the breakup. Yes, being friends with an ex-lover is an impossible feat...

As hard as two exes try to stay friends, they can never really confide in one another. How do you tell your ex that you have a hot date tonight, or that you and your new lover are going away on a um...getaway? You can't even tell your ex that the reason you're smiling so much is because a woman has just um...'pleasured' you like never before.

You can tell her these things, but new lovers and mates are always going to be a sensitive issue. It's even harder to tell her how hurt you were that your date stood you up the other night, thanks to your sense of pride.

Remaining friends seems to provide us with the security blanket that the person who has been in our life will still be there, and we can call on them every once in a while to find out how they are...but we'll never actually know how they really are.

Since breakups are rarely one-sided, one party will always feel resentment or bitterness towards the other person. Even if your ex is feigning friendship, she's not sincerely your friend; so if it seems like plans with your new potential woman are always being sabotaged, they just might be.

And where there's bitterness, there's jealousy. And the truth of the matter is, it's hard to be sincerely happy for your ex when they've just found the new love of their life.

Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and you don't want part of your past still programmed in your handphone. Although it's easier for the dumper, recovering from a breakup is still a hard thing to do since it means being single again, getting back into the dating scene, and no longer making that daily 'reporting strength' call you and your ex used to share.

But having that person still lingering in your life as a constant reminder makes it even harder to move on with your life, meet new people and turn a fresh page. It's almost like keeping one foot in the past, and another struggling to make it back into the pickup scene.

It also might be a better idea to leave things with pleasant memories of the other person, rather than drag the potentially doomed relationship through the mud.
In a perfect world, the ideal would be for ex-s to succeed at being friends, but in one where bitterness, jealousy, passion, and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought, it's impossible.

So unless the two of you were the best of friends before; both broke up on the same terms in a perfectly mutual breakup; both have no qualms about either of you seeing new people, and have both instilled a total honesty policy, better to leave the friendship behind... along with the memories...

DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL - Vindicated

2004-07-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

[Chorus:]
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye

And rendered me
So isoloated, so motivated
I am certain now that

[Chorus]

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away [4x]

[Chorus]

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

Dating Fix-ups

2004-06-30T13:31:00.000+08:00

The worst dates are those that are of fix-ups...Why do we fix ppl up? Cos u tink they'll have a great time? I mean...who the hell are ya? Its jus that lil sense of power isnt it? You're playin god..

Of cos God fixed Adam and Eve...but dats a diff story..

To me fix-ups just don work..at all. You cant fix ppl up...it cant work cos nobody wants to think that they need some fixing-up. You cant get that out of your mind; it affects your attitude when u meet the person ure fixed-up with. You'd go."Well, i guess everyone thinks i should be with you."

I was fixed up once. Jus cant cope with it. The whole time we were out, i felt like i was a puppet with all those strings attached to me. I couldnt even operate my body. She put her hand on my shoulder...

"WTF?!?"

"Sorry, I can't control my mouth. This whole evening wasn't my idea. I'm just a puppet. Just carry on what ure doin. I'll keep quiet."

I wished...

Pre-dates Rituals

2004-06-22T12:55:00.000+08:00

maybe we should start having those...People meet up in one of the rooms where people visit prisoners.

Ders this glass wall in between the two of ya...talk through those small holes and see if it would lead to an actual date...So if ders any sexual tension, ud see hands on the glass..

And at any time you don feel comfortable...you signal to the guard and they'll take her away...

I wished...

Counting Crows' Accidentally In Love

2004-06-21T07:05:00.000+08:00

DON'T ASK ME WHY IM PUTTING THIS ON...
PERHAPS IT HAS SUMTHIN TO DO WITH WAT IM FEELING?

So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
think about it every time
I think about it
can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this
just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love

come on, come on
turn a little faster
come on, come on
the world will follow after
come on, come on
cause everybody's after love

So I said I'm a snowball running
running down into the spring that's coming all this love
melting under blue skies
belting out sunlight
shimmering love

Well baby I surrender
to the strawberry ice cream
never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
but there's no escaping your love

These lines of lightning
mean we're never alone,
never alone, no, no

Come on, Come on
move a little closer
Come on, Come on
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on
settle down inside my love

Come on, come on
jump a little higher
Come on, come on
if you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on
We were once
upon a time in love

We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love (x7)

Accidentally

I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
Accidentally (X 2)

come on, come on
spin a little tighter
come on, come on
and the world's a little brighter
come on, come on
just get yourself inside her

Love ...I'm in love

The problem with talking...

2004-06-18T14:43:00.000+08:00

The problem with talking...is that...nobody stops you or can stop you from saying the wrong stuff...I tink life would be alot better if it was like your'e making a movie. You mess up...someone will come over and stops the whole shot.

Just tink of all those things you could take back...

You're out on a date..."So...ure not usually this ugly rite?" "Cut cut cut cut!!! that's not goin to work at all...c'mon rizal be nice...for once... Walk out the door, come back in, lets take this whole scene again. People think of what you are going to say...OK...ready...take number 169...ACTION!"

I wished...

Sunday bloody sunday...

2004-06-13T22:15:00.000+08:00

Lost both league matches today...scored twice and assisted one...sigh...on a good note im much faster on the sprints..looks like squatting 110kg helps aftall..

cant wait for the french game...

Kiss and Say Goodbye by Manhattans

2004-06-13T22:09:00.000+08:00

[Spoken]
This has got to be the saddest day of my life
I called you here today for a bit of bad news
I won't be able to see you anymore
Because of my obligations, and the ties that you have
We've been meeting here everyday
And since this is our last day together
I wanna hold you just one more time
When you turn and walk away, don't look back
I wanna remember you just like this
Let's just kiss and say goodbye

[Song]
I had to meet you here today
There's just so many things to say
Please don't stop me 'til I'm through
This is something I hate to do
We've been meeting here so long
I guess what we done, oh was wrong
Please darlin', don't you cry
Let's just kiss and say goodbye (Goodbye)

Many months have passed us by
(I'm gonna miss you)
I'm gonna miss you, I can't lie
(I'm gonna miss you)
I've got ties, and so do you
I just think this is the thing to do
It's gonna hurt me, I can't lie
Maybe you'll meet, you'll meet another guy
Understand me, won't you try, try, try, try, try, try, try
Let's just kiss and say goodbye (Goodbye)

(I'm gonna miss you)
I'm gonna miss you, I can't lie
(I'm gonna miss you)
Understand me, won't you try
(I'm gonna miss you)
It's gonna hurt me, I can't lie
(I'm gonna miss you)
Take my hankerchief, wipe your eyes
(I'm gonna miss you)
Maybe you'll find, you'll find another guy
(I'm gonna miss you)
Let's kiss and say goodbye, pretty baby
(I'm gonna miss you)
Please, don't you cry
(I'm gonna miss you)
Understand me, won't you try
(I'm gonna miss you)
Let's just kiss
And say goodbye

FAQ

2004-06-11T11:48:00.000+08:00

Been gettin lotsa questions about the blog site...tot id share it...the questions are in bold...

So Vlad...y u doing this man?
I guess im pretty bored. I'm a new born net surfing geek. Anyway i've got no other life. Wats more im on cable..so i guess i can afford to do that.

So wat does dat mean? Ure a NERD..sit in front of the PC the whole damn day???
Um...unfortunately NO. I have some job to do that sucks out my life...now thats sad man.

I suppose you're gonna talk about your life story here aye?
Hmmm...i guess there'll be some...but Id put in a perspective kinda way rather than a diary kinda crap...there'll be loads of soccer and southpark for a start.

So are you making ANY $$$ out of this?
Definitely not man...I really wished so though..should start thinking of hosting some stuff???

What's the best web browser to use here?Not sure man...um i don care...i'd reccommend u use IE or netscape..gd enuf?

We would like to sponsor your page. How bout it man?
Hey i didn noe i was hosting porn???I think u got the wrong site..

So can i email u?
For wat?

If i have some questions to ask?
Um...all the info are in my site...but if u really do have that burning question to ask...SURE man.

Do u need any help?
Well..u can start by stop askin me stoopid questions. But seriously, u can help by tellin me wat needs to be improved and all.

How often you update this blog man brudder?
When i have free time man brudder...eh when did u start becoming my brudder??

Why don't you answer my emails?
I'll try to answer them whenever i can..but then again it depends on several factors:
1. All info are here
2. I don't know the answer
3. I thought the email u sent was just another comment
4. It was a request i can't support
5. U freak me out...

I hope the info above is useful...if not continue lookin for them in my blog...Thanks.

Superman Pic

2004-06-11T10:42:00.000+08:00

Jus added a superman pic to replace the old angsty one...tink its more personalised now..

What a Dick!

2004-06-10T21:34:00.000+08:00

Looks like Dick Advocaat has done it again. It is only days before Holland's opening game against Germany and he seems to have lost control of the team. Lets face it, Dick is short by stature and now it seems he is short of support. Van Nistlerooy hates his guts, Seedorf has jus "expressed his views" and Co Adriaanse has hit out at Dick's tactical style.

Dick was in charge for the 1994 World Cup and in the run-up to the tournament, influential midfielder Ruud Gullit argued with his coach about tactics. Dick followed his own plan and Gullit left the training camp in disgust before the start of the tournament, signalling the end of his international career. Imagine had Gullit stayed on, Holland might just beat Brazil in the quarter final and went all the way. All I can say...Fuck you Dick!

I read in the papers today France has a different style of management. The players get involve in discussions with their coach often. Maybe the dutch should look into that. Dick gotta stop being ONE for once and be open. Face it, the French have more mixed nationalities in their squad compared to the dutch's surinamese gang and they bond very well.

Dick has just reverted back to the 4-3-3 after months of trying out the 4-4-2. Where is the stability in that? They are already short of wingers, with Overmars and Van der Meyde nursing minor injuries. Lets not forget Arjen Robben has not played a full match since early this year.

Please Dick...Please get it sorted out and beat the Germans. I wanna yell of joy in front of Rahmat's face 15 June. If not...its...FUCK YOU DICK...again.

New Look

2004-06-10T04:09:00.000+08:00

Jus got a new template and added my personalised touches...looks good...tink i better knock off soon...

Results

2004-06-09T15:34:00.000+08:00

Got my results today. Not that fantastic at all. 2A 5B and 2C. At least there are no Ds and im sure if i can put in effort i should be able to crossover.

At the moment i guess i just have to be thankful.